he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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