theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
