i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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