I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
