We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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