Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
