they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
