she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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