My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
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He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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