maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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