Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
