i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
