plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
