I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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