i need an iv and a liver transplant
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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