Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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