you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
