You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
