I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
