I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
