Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
