so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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