Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
