you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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