hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The air was thick with penises
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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