you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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