If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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