Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
After last night, I could never be a politician.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
