I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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