How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
