Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
