i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
