end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
