I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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