put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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