I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
