Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
