Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
