1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
