I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
