I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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