Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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