At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
