Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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