I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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