where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
