so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
smell my finger.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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