that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
