Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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