His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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