I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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