Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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