Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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