You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it's not cheating when I paid for it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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