my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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