I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
