You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
