We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
