I hate your face
never play flip cup with pint glasses
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
