His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
