I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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