walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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