the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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