Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
