four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
