Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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