At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
