my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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