Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
