i'm signing you up for texting rehab
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The Olympian is in my bed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
