My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
