I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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