when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
